Joe. Don’t start drinking again. Can you join a gym? Learn to cook? Volunteer? Use that “I want to drink” energy doing something that tomorrow joe will be proud of.
Already joined a gym and go there daily. Go to meetings daily. Work everyday. Have a sponsor. Chair meetings. In a group chat with 15 guys. What more can I possibly do? Literally I have changed my whole life and am still unhappy with it.
So if drinking was so beneficial why are you hear and why AA?
Bro just reread my messages I'm not going to sit here explaining myself over and over again. My ex girlfriend broke up with me in August and had enough of my drinking and driving but she has an eating disorder and wasn't getting help for that. So we weren't helping each other. Things in my life just aren't happening fast enough. I do literally what everyone is suggesting and nothing has gotten better. At least with drinking I would feel better about myself.
I second this.
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Yes. And you can start planning. Start thinking about the kind of job you want, how you want to feel when working, what kind of money you want to make. Blessings.
I have the job I want and went to school for I'm a staff accountant working my way up in the company. What's missing for me is the family aspect just like what one person in my group chat says you have no cares in there world you're single. Well yeah that's why when I see all these people complain about their spouses or children I just feel like walking out. You're complaining about the things I don't have. If I died tomorrow you really think there is a spouse or child who would miss me? No. My job they would replace me because it's just a job at the end of the day. I guess my biggest challenge is finding things to live for.
I've read all your messages. I hear you loud and clear BRO.
I'm 64 and I've been around this thing a long, long time.
You're putting expectations on your recovery. You've only been sober 5 months and you want your life to be turned around as if you have 10 yrs.
If you are wanting to kill pain then something is missing in your program. And from my experience with relationships, and I have a lot, I would strongly encourage you to hold off on any relationship until you can figure out you and your sobriety.
First Things first.
Stay away from placing expectations on anything Joe. They can set us up for disappointment.
We have to live life on life's terms. Just hang in there and give time, time.
You'll figure it out. Just don't give in to a drink because I promise it will let you down.
You wouldn't be here otherwise.
From AA Big Book:
On page 31 of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, in the chapter entitled "More About Alcoholism" it says:
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself:
Step over to the nearest barroom and try a little controlled drinking.
Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try more than once.
It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it.
It may be worth a bad case of the jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition
Can you relate to being sober after your ex fiance breaks up with you and moves on in three months like you were nothing? Can you relate to not wanting to go on in life? Can you relate to not being comfortable in your own skin? With alcohol and drugs that was my solution it always worked. I am putting expectations because if I put in the work there should be a result right? So if there is no result then what's the point? Why not be drunk and at least feel better with the crappy life. I read more about alcoholism and even listened to the Joe and Charlie tapes about it. Nothing has helped me.
Joe, I can relate and experienced bad depression after a divorce my first year of sobriety. It sounds like you’re working a good program. Are you able to lean on your higher power at all? It definitely helps — this coming from a former agnostic. Have you been able to get a sponsor? Also very important. As far as expectations go take it easy on yourself. This stuff takes time. The fact that you’re not drinking is huge — you should be proud of yourself. Trust me drinking will only temporarily make you feel better — it won’t do anything for the underlying issues. Wish you the best.
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Louis I'm so sorry to hear what you had to go through. I try my best. I pray and meditate every morning and night. I have a sponsor who I call and see. I'm just putting expectations on having things right away but I know it doesn't work that way. I wish you all the best as well someone who can relate to me. Thank you for your share it helped me.
Man five months! Great job.
You mean no result, yet.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
You want results now. I get that Joe. I'm like you. I've had a lot of crazy things happen in my life. Most of them were the result of decisions that I made that were based on self. I never stopped to consider how my actions affected others.
I wanted things my way and when they didn't play out in my favor I started to feel like life didn't treat me fairly which made me want to drink. When I took my 4th step I learned to figure out where my part in the whole event was.
I don't know why your ex fiance left. I only know that we cannot change people. We can only change ourselves and how we react to people.
I don't know you personally Joe but I can promise you that if you do what is suggested and stick around long enough, things will change for the better. Five months is great but it is hardly long enough to start placing expectations. You might try getting a different sponsor. Not sure. Just a thought.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. I feel your pain and disappointment.
I'm almost 9 years sober. I relapsed one time and had almost 9 years but that cost me about 3 years of oblivion so I'm here to testify that it doesn't work.
Life is full of pain and disappointment and we have to learn to take life on life's terms. It sounds to me like you're having a lot of trouble accepting things that have happened in your life. That will only lead to more pain and bring you closer to relapse.
I saw your pictures on your homepage. You look to me like you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't make the mistake that many others have made Joe.
Don't quit before the miracle.
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Thanks bro
She says to this day it was my drinking but she has an eating disorder and how that affected me I kept to myself throughout the whole relationship. I didn't know what to do when she would vomit and constantly be nauseous. So my way of dealing with it was to hide a bottle. I appreciate what you're saying a lot. My faith is just slowly fading.
Life on life's terms can be brutal at times, drinking never fixed anything, just added fuel to the dumpster fire. At least sober there is hope and I can show up at the fire with water instead of Everclear.
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Drinking never fixed anything but it made me feel better about myself and raised my self esteem.
OK well I wasn't there and it's certainly not my place to say. Only you can decide that, Joe. She has some challenges too obviously. She will need to figure those out. You just have to figure out Joe. This a tough time in your life. But I promise you that there is hope.
Back in the early nineties I came into the program and I met a woman in the program that was there for the same reason as me. We were told by the old timers that the best thing we could do is leave each other alone But we didn't listen.
Instead, we thought a relationship would be the answer to our problems. They were 6 of the most miserable years of my life. When I finally got sober in 2002, i ask some man to be my sponsor. Best decision I ever made.
He asked a lot of me. He asked me to stay out of relationships just for now until I could figure out who I was. I learned at that time that drinking was only a symptom of my problem. We have to get down to causes and conditions.
I also learned at that time that I was codependent. I never really lived by myself, paying my own bills and making all of the decisions on my own outside of any relationship.
Fast forward to 2015, I met a woman online that I video chatted with for 2 1/2 years before meeting her in person.
She's from the Philippines and we got married back in 2019.
You may not understand this right now but the longer you are sober the more you will realize that we make more logical decisions the longer we are sober.
But I had to learn to live by myself for a period of time until I could figure out who I am. Because until I could figure me out I didn't really have anything to offer women.
If you can't relate to that right now, it's OK. I couldnt relate right away either. Sometimes we look back in our lives and what we lost, and see them as blessings in disguise.
That's the way it was for me anyway.
Good luck Joe
And hang in there.
It really gets better.
Oh one more thing. This app is filled with many people that relapse all the time. Ask any of them if things got better when they relapsed.
Peace
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See this is exactly what I need to hear thank you Dave. A lot of the old timers just talk about how great life is but never actually expand and say how they got to that point in their life. So you being honest is a nice change of pace. Just hearing keep coming back, it works if you work it, acceptance, blah blah blah. Like I've heard it all I did the 90 meetings in 90 days. My ex girlfriend I know I was codependent on. When she wasn't around my life basically stopped. But again we were in a long distance relationship. I live in Pennsylvania she lives in new Jersey. We made it work and what hurts me the most is I was there for her when she was at her worst but when I'm at my worst she just left. It's sad we were together 4 years, engaged, I thought everything was going great and then bam. It just blew up in my face. I appreciate your story that does help me. Peace and love to you too brother.
I’ve said those same things after 9 months, but when I started using again, I realized I was wrong. I was so confused until it was too late. I promise you, don’t give in. The addict in u wants u to feel that way
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