I am brand new to this sober thing. I am supposed to go to a bachelorette weekend in Arizona this coming weekend. my flight is from the east coast and it was bought with points (so I could get the points back if i cancel my flight). I don’t know the group of girls that well, and it seems like a lot of the night activities include going to clubs and bars. I’m wondering if I should just cancel my flight, or go and just return to the airbnb before everyone heads to the clubs and bars….i’m just not sure it’s worth my energy to go on the trip this time around. a huge part of my past cocaine and drinking habit was always saying “yes” to things, and “fueling” myself. any input is appreciated!
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Ughh…I know this really bites! I hate to be the one to say you shouldn’t go. I mean you know deep down in your gut that this would be a really bad idea. Even if you had a good amount of clean time behind you, this just doesn’t look like fun to me. In the short term this will sting a little, but I know you will feel proud that you made the right decision and are taking care of yourself. These are the type of tough decisions you will need to make on a day to day basis to stay sober. Listen to the little voice in your gut. It knows what is best for you. Don’t listen to the crazy thoughts in your head that are saying you can handle it. Think of it this way. You are not weak for not going. You are actually strong for not going. It’s easy to go and not deal with having to cancel. That would be weak. Knowing in your gut that the right thing for you is to cancel,but then still go…that is weak. Be strong. We understand. We got your back
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My sponsor always told be “don’t be where you don’t need to be” flying across country to hang with people you really don’t know, and go out clubbing is a bad idea. And I think you know that. Hope you can make a decision that sits well with you.
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those thoughts in my head are definitely what prevented me from trying to be sober years ago…thank you!
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very true…for me, It really helps to hear other people’s input. thank you!
It sounds like you've already thought about this and have made a great conclusion. Missing out on the party scene can hurt, but missing out on the after effects feels so much better. Hungover and anxious on a plane is a terrible place to be in following a "fun" weekend in my opinion. Keep supporting your friends and family but take care of yourself first.
I, personally, wouldn't go...I've passed on alot of wedding dances etc..
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Find an alternative. Maybe say, I’m in early recovery & I need to care for myself, but I’d love to go to a spa day or a day at the pool
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I have zero friends now. I haven’t done anything remotely social or “fun” for almost a year. You kind of get used to it.
Girl, listen. This is the only time in your life that people will tell you it’s ok to be selfish. If you’re not comfortable or you feel it’s going to put you in emotional danger it is not worth it. And any true friend is going to understand because they will want what’s best for you. I’ve got the same drinking and drugging past and I know at first you may feel like you’re “missing out” but lemme tell you, give it some time to get your head clear and you’re going to see it for what it really is and be so thankful you’re not a part of that scene anymore. It’s a very empty existence. Keep your boundaries strong! It starts to feel freaking good to say no 
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thank you so much. I needed to hear the part about “emotional danger”.
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aw really? that stinks. there’s a lot of people out there who like to do things besides drink. I think in this particular case of a party bachelorette, it won’t be the scene for me
Saying no and putting yourself first is going to become so freeing and give you your sense of self-worth that we pretty much lost during active addiction. I promise that all of the beginning discomforts will become second nature if you just stick it out!
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Yes, it’s probably a tough decision to make but if I were in your shoes I think I would cancel the flight. From what I’ve read it looks like you would be putting yourself into a dangerous situation. Save the points, take a trip later. Vacations are so much better when you do not have to be questioning whether you will use or not.
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You go. You tell people you’re on meds that you can’t drink on. You drink a club soda with lime or pelligrino. You don’t run from life. You enjoy yourself sober. You see trashed people as evidence that stuff sucks. You come back with wild stories…
very true! I don’t think i’m at that point yet, but I hope to be soon 
Bad idea. Stay home and sober. Take care of you.
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“We are not a glum lot”
If you are confident in your sobriety then, as the Big Book says we can go anywhere as free people. “Recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body”
However, in early sobriety it is best to keep a distance from bars and drinking buddies. I’ve done all kinds of stuff sober and had a great time. When I travel I always -contact my sponsor daily. -call AA central office where I’m staying and go to meetings. It’s neat to go to meetings in different cities. As my first Sponsor liked to say “do whatever you want, but do it sober!!”
I would not put myself in that situation so early in recovery. Your reason for being there isn't crucial. Hugs.
This is true but it takes time and working the program to get there plus we should have a solid reason to be at such an occasion in the beginning. A Bachelorette party is truly a drunk fest.
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