On the struggle bus today. Really trying to talk myself out of pretending to go to a meeting and hitting the bar instead. I have 46 days and it doesn't seem to be getting easier. I feel lonely, and to be honest, hopeless.
In replace if my drink and pills I've picked up lovely habits like anorexia (limiting food to very scary low calories) and cutting to relieve stress (never a thing before).
Need some ideas for quieting the self pitying wine witch. Any ideas are welcome.
Please reach out to a doctor. You need to be honest and get help. Are you on antidepressants?
No, my therapist keeps trying to get me to take them. Every time I've tried any they make it soooo much worse.
I tried about 15 different kinds over the last 25 years. It’s hard and frustrating when certain meds make it worse.Prozac is my gold.
I’m glad that you have a therapist. Are you being honest with her about the cutting?
Mostly. I told her about it when I first checked into treatment. I've only done it a few times since then. I tokd her about the planning. It reminds me if planning a relapse. So much planning. I carry a razor with me and keep large bandages in my car.
I cut today. I needed to release. I know its bad... but I feel like I'm gonna lose it!
Hi Stephanie, I strongly suggest you speak with a mental health professional. You say the anti-depressants make it worse, have you ever been sober during the times you were taking the meds? Alcohol interacts with most anti-depressants, so you may have a different experience being sober. I know it was a huge shift for me and my meds.
I am frustrated for you that it’s not getting easier, all I can say is that eventually it does get easier, usually after the 90 day mark for most people. I can tell you with absolute surety that drinking will not make it better. When I have ideas about drinking I usually play the tape through, it reminds me of why I am staying sober and why I don’t want to go back.
Just keep keeping sobriety first and as time goes by things will get easier. Treating your other mental health issues will also make sobriety easier.
When you speak to your therapist really open up and tell her how you’re feeling. Sounds like you’ve used alcohol to cope and you are struggling with healthy tools guide you through sobriety. Have you been to an AA meeting? I’m going to my first one on Tuesday.
46 days is still young. It sounds like you need an outlet. Maybe join a group (exercise? Or something). Keep your mind busy.
Prayers for you
Yes, I was sober in the past when I took them
Already been to a meeting today
I meditate every day, yoga, im still in outpatient 6 hou r s a day. Im putting in the work. Just don't know why I can't continue feeling better.
This is very helpful and inspiring. 
I’m so sorry you are struggling. Your state of mind is concerning. Please don’t hurt yourself. Cutting leads to other methods to self harm.
I'm also doing 1 to 3 meetings a day with either AA or Refuge Rocovery
Remember that it took a few years to train your body in abusing. It'll take some time and willpower to train it different. And like @AnnMarie S said...be honest above all else. You got this.
You really are putting in the work! That’s amazing. The right medication can help you. 
I only relapsed for a year. It was worse than ever.
Have you explored medication alternatives? Medication isn’t for everyone, and some things can be managed without meds. DBT helped me get my self-harm under control again when I lapsed with it.
I haven't tried DBT for the cutting specifically. This is a new symptom of this run of sobriety. Only since I returned from inpatient. I am dual diagnosis, PTSD and alcohol misuse disorder. I am working through things but as issues arise in my relationships, the lonliness, unpredictability, abandonment.... feeling start to come up of hopelessness, exaggerated sorrow and self harm.
I agree, medication is not for everybody. However, it’s very important to be honest with your therapist so they can properly diagnose you. I was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, depression, anxiety and PTSD.
Between medication and therapy, it has really made a difference.
I’ve been abusing alcohol on and off since I was 13 years old. I’m 44. I’m trying to cut the poison out so I can live my life to the fullest.