She doesn’t want me to stay but she’s pissed because I’m going, I’m sorry to say but I think my marriage is over…I can’t take it anymore and I just want to go back out but I know if I do I’ll die, not that it scares me…it doesn’t…that of itself is scary…guess it’s just time to move on and die alone. I just wish she would have loved me, instead she used me so it’s the end…
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Please don't make a permanent decision to cope with a temporary emotion.
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How about your kids, can you shift your focus to them, being the best dad. Take them on an outing, etc.
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She wants to be done too
I’m spending time with them
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She keeps lying about me, putting words in my mouth, and treating all of us even our kids like garbage
Just to clarify, I kinda took this post as suicide ideation. Suicide was the permanent decision I was referring to.
Yeah I would definitely take a breather from all that. It may be a mess right now but in the long run it will be better for both of you. Like you said in the other post. In time you can revisit this relationship and see where it stands.
Yeah if she’s willing to change, though suicide did cross my mind with this going on as did using but I spoke to my sponsor and my kids and I’m getting ready to walk into a meeting so I won’t do something I’ll regret, because I know if I drink or use I’ll die, and if I hurt myself I’ll die, so I’m taking steps to prevent it.
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Just try to relax. I know it probably feels like the end of the world at the moment. But it's not. I think you made a good choice to call your sponsor. Speaking to your kids is great too. They need you! Stay strong. Troubles may come, but they pass as well. Stay strong. Positive thoughts your way.
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Thanks. Maybe a prayer as well for me to be strong? Lol. Been praying for strength all day myself. People been asking for years why I put up with it and tried telling me to leave her. It does feel like the end but I’ll survive. I’m not ready to die yet.
I will pray for you. Gods got this. 
turn it over to him. 
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I just found out she’s been cheating on me this whole time and is telling people I’m actively using! That’s why she’s been pushing me away and treating me like trash! Forget working things out if she changes! I’m done!
Please pray for her to get help, she’s a lot sicker than I thought. I can’t go back to her but I want her to be happy, as long as she leaves me alone so I can be happy too idc what she does.
Brandon
You're only a month into this thing. Let me give you the same advice that it was given to me.
No major decisions for the first year. That's it.
One year from now, if you are still sober, you're going to be seeing through a totally different pair of lenses.
Now, my suggestion....
Forget about any changes that anyone else in your life has to make and just concentrate on the changes that you need to make.
We are all sick to one degree or another.
In the meantime I would just go on with the rest of your life and become the best Brandon you can be. Don't say anything negative to your wife. Just be as nice to her as you possibly can and don't expect anything in return. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And if this is just a girlfreind, man I would forget about relationships right now. First things first.
Oh and by the way, I hope you're going to meetings and taking the steps. If you're thinking about relapsing you should play the scene all the way forward. You might feel good for a short period of time but sooner or later you're going to be right back where you are right now and you will have accomplished nothing.
In fact you will probably make the situation between you and your wife worse off than it already is. Sobriety does not feel good in the beginning. We start to feel again, we see problems all around us but we have no way to suppress them. This is why it's extremely important to get to meetings where there are people that have been where we are to support us and give us suggestions.
When you take a horse thief and get that horse thief sober, what do you have?
A sober horse thief.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
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I am going to be nice to her and I’m gonna wish her the best, but I can’t stay with her after this. There’s a long history of this behavior and it’s not good for me. She won’t change so I have to change the situation.
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That’s the best thing you can do they say if you don’t like the situation remove yourself and maybe things will get better for you if she doesn’t want you oh well somebody else will but first you have to want yourself and that means getting sober and staying sober and things will work out for the better trust and believe it I know
This is everything I was hoping someone would say- awesome stuff man.
If you don't have any marital attachments then I I would say that's a good thing. That gives you all the room to work on yourself. Back in 2003 my sponsor asked me if I could leave women alone for a while and I thought it was the most bizarre idea I had ever heard of. In hindsight I have to say that I'm very thankful for my sponsor back then. When I set out to live by myself and learn about me I learned a lot about life that I didn't know before.
I also learned that I was codependent up until that point. I had never actually lived by myself for any length of time, paying my bills and not using other people.
Today I am very happily married and things are much different than they were back then. I have so many blessings today Brandon I lost count.
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We are married so I’m in for a mess but it’s gonna get better, i have faith that with me doing the right thing my life will get better after the storm. It just hurts that she would do me like this so I gotta cut it.
100% agree. Sobriety Has to be the focus, not this toxic relationship.
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