Hey Quinton I’d recommend creating boundaries while you get over the hump or you can even use their behaviors as motivation not to drink, I’ve been sober for almost 7 years and i operate a beach bar/restaurant in a college town so I get it. But using their behaviors to me is motivating because I don’t want to be in those situations anymore, hope this helps.
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Set the standard for your friends that you don’t drink and that you want to do things that don’t center around drinking; if they are genuine friends, they can go a day without drinking in honor of your sobriety. If not, go out and meet random folks and make new friends. You have to get to a point where you are more obsessed with goals like sobriety and improving your quality of life than you are with not being lonely. If you handle improving your life and your circle of friends, your loneliness will improve as an effect. It’s only when we stop chasing after the things we want that they come back around in a natural and organic way.
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Establish the line with your friends. The true ones will respect it. I have one friend of 25 years I cut ties with because she just couldn't understand I don't want to go out and to the bar. I don't do meetings but maybe that'll be a start to meet like minded people. I know the group I would hang with if I went always go out and get coffee late on the weekend at the diner and that's always a good time. You can also just reach out to the community on here.
Get to AA meetings
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Binge watched lots of tv and worked lots of overtime to keep me busy.
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I’m 3 plus years in and still feel lost. That’s why we are here.., luv ya. Keep coming back.
Sober 4 years and just the other day I felt like my “old” self. Don’t worry about your friends. The real ones aren’t going anywhere. Focus on doing things, go to meetings, keep busy. Don’t hit the bars. That’s the hardest habit to break. It’s difficult to resist if you don’t change your environment. Hang in there!!
I found my "family of friends" in the rooms of AA. Prior to that, I was lost and miserable. In AA, others loved me until I learned to love myself.
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Quenton: I’m 32 days in and going through the same plus had to breakup with my live in girlfriend of four years, who is an alcoholic that functions well during the day, but drinks until she passes out four to five nights a week. What I am doing is staying busy with work, going to AA meetings, joining meetup groups where I know there will be no drinking such as day hike groups, and chatting with folks here who are supportive and going through the same thing. It sucks, but I keep telling myself it’s temporary and stay the course. I am new here, but will send you a friend request if you ever need to chat. Just don’t use.
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There is no substitute for AA meetings. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I am not kidding. You must surround yourself with sober people and listen to how they stay sober. No one said this is easy. Work the steps and do it one day at a time. Say the Serenity Prayer when you need to. I have 37 years of sobriety, with a 3 year relapse 24 years ago. It very nearly killed me. But that's a story for another day. You can do this. I'm here for you.
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Told my drunk friends that I needed help staying sober by doing something sobering…they took me on a 50 mile ruck. God Bless Veterans and their sadistic sense of humor paired with brotherhood.
Quinton I went to three meetings a day for a year. Yep, it was crazy but I was trying to save my life. I stayed in the middle of the pack and hung around the people that shined! I got commitments at those meetings. I got a sponsor and worked those steps until I started living those steps. With every thirty day interval things got better and better. I did it one day at a time and I still do. New friends, new joy, new happiness, and new freedom! Keep going brother!!!
Ive seen a counselor and going to meetings help you feel less alone. Im in the same boat. All my friends and family drunk but Ive made some new sober friends that I hang out with more. I go to meetings when everyone else goes out and when I used to. Where do you live?
Try to find a local meeting and raise your hand! Say your new and really could use some help even if to just talk to someone....I'm positive you'll find someone to help give you some positive reinforcement and suggestions! Stick with it!!!
I’m having the same issues. The last thing I wanna do after a meeting is talk to someone I want to freaking run! I was hoping this app had people in my area. Still trying to navigate it hopeful that it shows
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I did a lot of meetings my first days. I agree with others. The 90 in 90 is a good safe positive plan. You will meet people there that have similar goals. To stay sober. Meeting and the people in those rooms give me strength and so much unconditional acceptance and love.
Quinton
What you're feeling is all normal. It's a big change you are making. But it is a change that will reap many rewards if you give it time. Just remember that it's 10 miles Into the woods and 10 miles back out.
There's a big lie out there that alcohol is feeding you telling you that this time everything will be OK. But it never is, is it?
If you stay sober long enough you will realize sooner or later that you weren't having as good of a time as you thought you were. You will have moved on and realized that life has much more to offer than hanging around with a bunch of bar room buddies wasting our money.
I just posted a story entitled,
Then vs Now. You should look for it and read it. Maybe it will encourage you.
For sanity and to save your life…don’t drink and go to meetings! Like others have mentioned, I too had to give up 99% of my friends and eventually my alcoholic husband of 25 years. It does get easier. I just celebrated 18 years. You can do it.
Good stuff Eddie.
Check out flying-sober.com there is a sober retreat in June 2023. You will make plenty of friends there.
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