Is it possible for 2 addicts to stay together successfully? I can’t put in the work for both of us. I don’t know if I’m being impatient or blinded by love as silly as that sounds…
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I don't recommend it. If you're trying to get sober, a person who isn't will be a stumbling block.
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Can't speak for every situation, but generally, getting sober is significantly harder when you're with someone that isn't all that interested in sobriety.
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Pg 119 in the 12 and 12 could answer this for you
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That’s exactly what it feels like a stumbling block… but I have a lot of feelings and emotions right now too so trying not to make any major decisions
We both started at the same time with the same goal. But I stuck to it and he didn’t. So… now I’m questioning things.
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Bingo!
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I would refer you to page 119 of the 12 and 12 as well. I was in a long term relationship with a fellow AA. It didn’t work out in the end, but it worked great for as long as we both worked our own programs. If the other is drinking then it’s simply is not going to work.
As my first sponsor would say “two sickies don’t make a wellie”
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I can think of a couple I know who are beacons in the sober community. They used together years ago. They tried getting sober together and failed. They parted ways and went on their independent journeys and got back together after they had a good amount of time. They got back together when they knew they could put their sobriety first, before the needs of one another.
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I don’t think for me I could do it. I can’t even be with my family because all they care about is how much liquor they can consume. Even their parties are wall to wall liquor so I could never have it in my home. But that’s me. Thank god because of medication my husband doesn’t drink like he used to. Big plus for me.
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Common problem. Two folk meet in addiction then get sober and realize they don’t really know the other. Very rare for couples getting sober together remaining together. Does happen tho. Just rare.
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I met my SO after we both got sober before meeting. It’s worked well. Your situation is different and you need to focus on you.
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I have had this recommended to me also, to separate then get back together when we’re both sober.
You have every right to put yourself and your sobriety first. Just gotta decide what's more important here, I reckon.
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I appreciate everyone’s advice and their different perspectives. Back story is we’ve been together nearly 15 years, and in April we’ll have been married 10 of those years. We also have 2 kids together and he has a daughter also. I feel like we started this sobriety journey together and are on different paths now. Neither one of us has bought coke since we started but he has started drinking again, I have not. He has admitted to being addicted to coke but not admitted to being addicted to alcohol. I set boundaries last night and finally had the courage to tell him if alcohol is involved I won’t be with him. He kinda seemed taken back but then went from being defensive to supportive. I’m hoping for the best but his actions will tell me more.
What’s the 12 and 12? Is that the same as the AA book? I have that one but not the 12 one.
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I feel like I should be focusing on me instead of worrying about him. He didn’t even acknowledge that we went 30 days because he was hungover and here I am thrilled because I finally hit my goal and feel confident about the future. I just feel like I have to try everything before I call it quits.
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You’re right
I get it now, thank you!
I get it now, I just found it and it makes sense. Thank you
The 12 and 12 is the 12 steps and 13 traditions book published by AA
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