I figured that out when I got home last night and researched it. I was able to preview it and ready the section you recommended. I also ordered a copy so should be here next week.
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So the 12 & 12 is a companion book for the Big Book. It goes into greater detail on the steps. I recommend reading it cover to cover with your sponsor
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I’m going to my first CA meeting tonight. I don’t have a sponsor but feel like I might be ready for one.
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If you are both in recovery sure, but if one is still using / drinking....s$#t will eventually hit the proverbial fan.....imo and in my rather extensive experience 
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Anne and I met 40 years ago; at a meeting through mutual friends. We were both sober about 1-1 1/2 years.
Two months ago I held her hand as she took her last breath.
Married and happy 38 years. Both of us clean and sober the whole time. It can be done. Both have to work there own programs.
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Sorry for your loss sir. Sounds like y'all did it right.
He’s actively drinking right now at his best friends while I’m here doing homework and getting dinner ready for our 2 kids. It’s already there… I called in my cousin to watch the kids so I can make it to the meeting still. I’m gonna get there come h ell or high water
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This is really inspiring. I appreciate you sharing. I’m beginning to understand even though we both want the same things we have our own paths of getting there. I am so sorry for your loss. I long for a love like that.
Before you make decisions, especially decisions that can have a lifetime of reverberations....there is a wonderful program for people who love alcoholics....it's called Alanon. You qualify. I qualify. I found much help and support there, as I also had family members who drank themselves to death.
Treat you the alcoholic as you would any sick person...isn't that what we are supposed to do?
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We did it as best we were both able...sometimes well...sometimes not so well....in other words...like humans.
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Oh, and it really works better if you don't drink, even when your a## falls off.
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Make no decisions while in fearful despair....
Wrap yourself in the love and support of whatever recovery program you use. Get a sponsor, work on yourself. Give Alanon a chance to work.
Do these things and the answers will come.
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Sorry for your loss Leigh. How are you doing?
The percentage are not good at all. When I first got sober I did everything I could to increase my probability of recovery. The thing is it takes a incredible amount of willingness to get some freedom. It’s unlikely you will both have it right at this time.
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The best advice I could give would be for you to seek out professional counseling to help you work through any relationship issues you’re having because each of you is going to have to work it’s own program and you also have to bear in mind that you can’t fix him and he can’t fix you an invite the God of your recovery and relationship, because a three fold cord is not easily broken
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I do believe that it is, as long as both can keep their recovery first and understand that their higher power HAS to take precedent over the romanticism of themselves 
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I made it to my meeting! I’ll respond when I get out but thank you all for taking the time to share with me. It really is helping
If they both honestly seek discovery, and are willing to make the sacrifices in order to better themselves and continue to equally contribute to the relationship, then why shouldn’t they be? but if one of them is slacking in any of those departments, it’s not gonna work. I say that from experience.
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Recovery***
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Thank you for that.
Sometimes ok....and sometimes a hole in the Earth opens up an I fall in it. My sponsor tells me I'm right on schedule.
I've stepped up my meetings, I'm making more calls to others in recovery, and I picked up a new service commitment. I will be ok. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, though.
So what. I'll keep coming back.
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