I’m going to my first CA meeting tonight. I don’t have a sponsor but feel like I might be ready for one.
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If you are both in recovery sure, but if one is still using / drinking....s$#t will eventually hit the proverbial fan.....imo and in my rather extensive experience 
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Anne and I met 40 years ago; at a meeting through mutual friends. We were both sober about 1-1 1/2 years.
Two months ago I held her hand as she took her last breath.
Married and happy 38 years. Both of us clean and sober the whole time. It can be done. Both have to work there own programs.
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Sorry for your loss sir. Sounds like y'all did it right.
He’s actively drinking right now at his best friends while I’m here doing homework and getting dinner ready for our 2 kids. It’s already there… I called in my cousin to watch the kids so I can make it to the meeting still. I’m gonna get there come h ell or high water
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This is really inspiring. I appreciate you sharing. I’m beginning to understand even though we both want the same things we have our own paths of getting there. I am so sorry for your loss. I long for a love like that.
Before you make decisions, especially decisions that can have a lifetime of reverberations....there is a wonderful program for people who love alcoholics....it's called Alanon. You qualify. I qualify. I found much help and support there, as I also had family members who drank themselves to death.
Treat you the alcoholic as you would any sick person...isn't that what we are supposed to do?
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We did it as best we were both able...sometimes well...sometimes not so well....in other words...like humans.
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Oh, and it really works better if you don't drink, even when your a## falls off.
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Make no decisions while in fearful despair....
Wrap yourself in the love and support of whatever recovery program you use. Get a sponsor, work on yourself. Give Alanon a chance to work.
Do these things and the answers will come.
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Sorry for your loss Leigh. How are you doing?
The percentage are not good at all. When I first got sober I did everything I could to increase my probability of recovery. The thing is it takes a incredible amount of willingness to get some freedom. It’s unlikely you will both have it right at this time.
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The best advice I could give would be for you to seek out professional counseling to help you work through any relationship issues you’re having because each of you is going to have to work it’s own program and you also have to bear in mind that you can’t fix him and he can’t fix you an invite the God of your recovery and relationship, because a three fold cord is not easily broken
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I do believe that it is, as long as both can keep their recovery first and understand that their higher power HAS to take precedent over the romanticism of themselves 
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I made it to my meeting! I’ll respond when I get out but thank you all for taking the time to share with me. It really is helping
If they both honestly seek discovery, and are willing to make the sacrifices in order to better themselves and continue to equally contribute to the relationship, then why shouldn’t they be? but if one of them is slacking in any of those departments, it’s not gonna work. I say that from experience.
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Recovery***
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Thank you for that.
Sometimes ok....and sometimes a hole in the Earth opens up an I fall in it. My sponsor tells me I'm right on schedule.
I've stepped up my meetings, I'm making more calls to others in recovery, and I picked up a new service commitment. I will be ok. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, though.
So what. I'll keep coming back.
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It absolutely is possible. I have family members who met in rehab and have been together for over 30 years 
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I think you could perhaps find Al-Anon Family Groups for families of alcoholics. They’d best understand your predicament. The are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers (not that many), children, spouses, significant others of alcoholics. That’s IF it’s in your area..there’s a lot of them..I just don’t know if you have access or if they do zoom meetings..I have heard it’s easier for them to bring you down than it is to bring them up. Al-Anon has plenty of reading materials..I’m sure you can find out things on the internet. It seems pretty common to advise to focus on yourself and your recovery First..keep working on yourself. As you get better it may be easier to see if you can deal with him..in Al-Anon, the goal is the opposite..Al-Anon says work on yourself, yourself, etc. AA says help others, help others. It seems it’s two sides of the same alcoholic coin..but I got immeasurable..it didn’t help me to stay with a narcissist/psycho. It took years to finally see the ex- wasn’t just an addict. He had a personality disorder that couldn’t be fixed. His big jolly was spreading five children with 4 mothers and no accountability. It wasn’t his goal to love me. It was to use me. He had nothing because he F’d up his life. I left him but it messed me up in the head. He went from fake loving me to real abuse of me. As much as it broke my heart, I couldn’t stay with an abuser. God did not wish that on me. I was blind myself. I took my baby and ‘appeared’ to move on. He had to get out. My case was extreme. It literally made me sick to be around him. Recovery was slow and painful and I couldn’t let it go until he passed away. That’s what it took to get that man off the streets of America..He chose a third-world country. He took care of nobody..all he did was take..I believe the U.S. revoked his passport for non-payment of child support. He couldn’t come home even deceased. So this guy was super-sick..give it some time..you will find your answer. Blessings to you. Congratulations on your recovery.
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