It absolutely is possible. I have family members who met in rehab and have been together for over 30 years 
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I think you could perhaps find Al-Anon Family Groups for families of alcoholics. They’d best understand your predicament. The are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers (not that many), children, spouses, significant others of alcoholics. That’s IF it’s in your area..there’s a lot of them..I just don’t know if you have access or if they do zoom meetings..I have heard it’s easier for them to bring you down than it is to bring them up. Al-Anon has plenty of reading materials..I’m sure you can find out things on the internet. It seems pretty common to advise to focus on yourself and your recovery First..keep working on yourself. As you get better it may be easier to see if you can deal with him..in Al-Anon, the goal is the opposite..Al-Anon says work on yourself, yourself, etc. AA says help others, help others. It seems it’s two sides of the same alcoholic coin..but I got immeasurable..it didn’t help me to stay with a narcissist/psycho. It took years to finally see the ex- wasn’t just an addict. He had a personality disorder that couldn’t be fixed. His big jolly was spreading five children with 4 mothers and no accountability. It wasn’t his goal to love me. It was to use me. He had nothing because he F’d up his life. I left him but it messed me up in the head. He went from fake loving me to real abuse of me. As much as it broke my heart, I couldn’t stay with an abuser. God did not wish that on me. I was blind myself. I took my baby and ‘appeared’ to move on. He had to get out. My case was extreme. It literally made me sick to be around him. Recovery was slow and painful and I couldn’t let it go until he passed away. That’s what it took to get that man off the streets of America..He chose a third-world country. He took care of nobody..all he did was take..I believe the U.S. revoked his passport for non-payment of child support. He couldn’t come home even deceased. So this guy was super-sick..give it some time..you will find your answer. Blessings to you. Congratulations on your recovery.
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I have to respond here..my sister and 2 brothers drank themselves to death. I said,in my grief “who does this happen to?” referring to myself..I found one great uncle whose 3 sons drank themselves to death..I spent many years is Nar-Anon and Al-Anon until it became clear, that I, too, drank alcoholic ally. It was easy to go to AA after my experience with alcohol. I had a slip in August 22 after 13 years! I now have attained 5 months.. thanks for listening..
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Clarification..I’ve heard it’s easier for alcoholic to bring you down than for you to bring him up.
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Yes but it takes a lot of work and both people have to be willing and ready. And that is hard to find. Me and my partner got sober together. It stuck for me, not for him. And I had to walk away. I'm still there for him, waiting and encouraging but I couldn't risk myself in the process.
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Absolutely someone using will bring you back down more than not. That’s the reason I don’t see my family. Their mentality is just don’t drink. That simple hum no it’s not.
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No it is not easy..I haven’t been able to risk it for anybody ..one important think I did is look around my lifelong list of ‘friends’ after I got some recovery..and 14 people were not friends in a meaningful way. I think I created these dysfunctional dependence on bad people..I had to exit stage right..it was brutal but they could not have access to me..they thought I would love and redpect their bullshit..I stayed fairly quiet..no blowups or discussions..but I put some stuff out there holding them accountable. Not one has contacted me..or took any accountability. Oh well..I was wrong when I thought all friendships are forever. My job is me and I’m focusing on that.
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This is so true. I don’t see or talk to most friends from my drinking days. Apparently that’s all we had in common. Plus those so call friends had no problem telling everyone about what happened to me so no privacy either. That hurt a lot . My life was an open book back then. Now no one knows anything unless I choose to tell them. Not their business. My sobriety has to come first.
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It’s a good idea to have one. Highly suggested
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Thank you for all the info, that does help to think of it from that perspective. I have done Alanon meetings before to support my sister who was an alcoholic/heroin addict so I am familiar with them and they were very helpful. I will revisit that, I didn’t think of it before. I am actively looking for a sponsor too to help me. It’s hard but I’m putting in the work.
Thank you. I will consider a counselor for us. I am still figuring out my higher power and my husband doesn’t believe in anything, well I guess he wavers. But he did want to have a counselor for himself and I told him I supported him 100%. I’m looking for a sponsor to help me. I haven’t had good experiences with counselors personally so I wouldn’t want one just for me but I will do whatever it takes for us to stay together.
I’m beginning to learn this
I feel like we’re trying to get to the spot where we’re both in rehab. He’s not at that point yet himself and I’m trying to dive deeper into it for myself.
Thank you for sharing. We do have Alanon here in AZ I have been there before. I’m going to look up some meetings and go there too I think that will be beneficial for me. I honestly feel like if alcohol wasn’t involved we could survive this. I just don’t know if we can if he chooses to keep drinking though. But I’m trying my hardest. He finally called me and came home at 4pm today and apologized. So I guess it’s just nice that he came back at this point. I think.
It definitely feels that way
I don’t feel like we can do it together, I think we tried that and failed. I think we have to do it separately at the same time if that makes sense… I mean relationship wise we’ll be together, we’re married, but when we both started off on my day 1 I feel like I was doing the work for both of us. Then he gave into peer pressure, then he didn’t want to stop. He needs to have his own path I think and I need mine. It’s so much work. It’s exhausting.
Let us know how it goes.