My therapist mentioned that many people who abuse substances suffer from social anxiety. That would partially explain why there are so many posts on here about loneliness.
I have definitely experienced a lot of loneliness in recovery and I’m curious if others have been diagnosed with social anxiety? And how that affected your recovery? What worked for you to be less anxious in social situations?
Hi Andrew,
My therapist explained this to me at the beginning stages of my sobriety as I described my feelings of loneliness and discomfort in being alone. It takes time but I found to first try doing things you enjoy alone whether it be watching TV/movies, reading a book, Journaling, exercise-anything to keep the mind busy and to prevent overthinking. Once you've become solid with being alone, try pushing yourself to get out of the home such as going grocery shopping, getting coffee or dessert-anything to receive some sort of interaction with other people. Just take baby steps, it'll take time as I've said but once you master self confidence and don't give a f*** about what/how others perceive you- everything should/shall fall into place and naturally friendships will follow 
wish you well
It’s probably the thing I hear most when people tell their stories. They never felt like they fit in and when they started using they felt they did. It’s true for me too.
I’ve experienced extreme loneliness in recovery also. It’s hard starting over at about 50.
Thank you! I can definitely see the connection between self esteem and social anxiety. It is something to explore for sure.
That’s what I’ve been hearing more and more. I’ve seen numbers like 90%
I personally believe that is our disease and the alcohol/drug use is just a symptom. Others can agree to disagree but I hear it so often that to me it seems the root cause for so many of us.
I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and autism, and specifically began drinking as a way of coping with that.
I've tried therapy, Klonopin, exposure therapy, phenibut, kratom, weed, SNRIs, etc. But nothing comes close to being as effective as drinking was. But unfortunately drinking to self medicate isn't very sustainable in the long run.
For me I've found that my loneliness stems mostly from isolation and the anxiety I feel in certain social situations where my autism and awkwardness is most apparent. And so for me I've just been trying to get out and do things in public alone but around other people. Or with other people but avoiding situations that cause excessive anxiety. I also do things in steps to help familiarize myself with things before doing them all at once or in a group with other people. I also like to get places early so that I can relax in my car for a bit and work through my thoughts.
Yea I think that was one of the primary reasons I started drinking. To "loosen up". Now Im 31 and I find myself in the same social situation but it seems alcohol was just a band-aid as supposed to a cure to that feeling of loneliness and inability to fit in. Now that Im older Ive realized Ive wasted alota time finding my true self and being confident in finding my true self consuming alcohol. Today I went sober to the movies for the first time in years and it felt great. I didnt plan it. I was just in the mall getting away from my head at home and I happened to walk past the theater. So I bought a ticket
and had the greatest time yet. To me so far at the beginning if this journey whats helped is not hahaving a routine. Just finding a way to escape my mind and doing spontaneous things or lossening up my routine has helped alot. Maybe i dont go to the gym at the same time or do the same xercise but i still go. Maybe Im not following a strict diet but Im still watching what I eat. Allow yourself to enjoy yourself in other ways i guess. Just becua u cant have a beer doesnt mean u cant have a burger. Just bcus u feel weird with ppl u know doesnt mean u cant go and hang out where there are ppl(the park, the car wash). Stay strong. You can do it.
I was diagnosed with that formally by a psychiatrist. Me learning to protect my positive vibes from bad energy people put out helped a lot. Even when people act weird or rude or whatever to us it really doesn’t always have anything to do with us personally. People have bad days then act crazy to everyone without caring. Holding less weight in peoples opinions and reactions towards us helps a lot. It’s all a work in progress though.
I have horrible social anxiety. I realized it was one of the reasons I drank. When I'm sober, I worry a lot, catastrophize, and have a hard time letting loose and enjoying myself and living in the moment so I turned to drinking because, it lowered my inhibitions and allowed me to shut off my brain and my anxiety. Obviously, that's not healthy, but I'm working with my therapist about being able to have fun without resorting to alcohol. Unfortunately, it's not easy. You just have to take it one day at a time, one step at a time. I think mostly it's just practice and using immersion therapy by engaging in social interactions slowly at first until it gets easier. It is a problem, because I want to meet people, but also fear doing so.
Yep! It’s also one of the reasons it was hard for me to find help getting sober. Going to a meeting you’ve never been to, in a room full of strangers, for ‘fellowship’ is extremely difficult when you have social anxiety. Like, crippling my awful. That’s part of the reason I got on this app- it helped me to do virtual meetings and talk to people about it, without the added angst of being in-person.
(Also, My therapist just recommended I read the book “How to Be Yourself” and it has some really helpful tips for dealing with social anxiety. Highly recommend!!)
Meeeee 
still struggle with it every day, but drinking only made it worse
Same here. My anxiety in general was horrible when I got out of detox for about three months. It’s slowly getting better and I’m learning how to handle being alone while working on growing my sober support. It’s a waiting game but so worth it 
I was diagnosed before becoming sober. I didn’t want to take medication but it has truly helped me to an incredible extent. Spoke to a doctor and got prescribed an ssri and an as needed anxiety med. It’s been great!
I was the same way when I first got sober- I told people I needed to go to a doctor to get something for it; I swear I felt like I was coming out of my skin! I was advised to wait it out, that it would get better. It did. When I made sober friends and got involved in the sober community I made TRUE friends; they didn't want me for anything other than being who I was. As the quality of people in my life changed, so did I & I became comfortable being alone because I finally realized I'd rather be alone than surrounded by people who brought chaos. For the longest time I thought it was boredom, but today I know it's peace & today I'll take that peace over chaos EVERY time.
Great book recommendation! I just ordered it.
Yes I’m almost 6 years sober and still have social anxiety before i was the life of the party 
but I’m alive and go to work every day and the gym every day
It’s funny, at first alcohol makes it easier to talk to people. But eventually I didn’t like people because of alcohol.
I take gabapentin and a ssri. They both help tremendously for anxiety. Depression on the other hand…
Great point! I love spending time alone. It is so much easier, but I find myself truly missing human interaction in a social setting.