Starting again

Struggling Help
#1

Well i have been awful at being sober. I am so angry at myself for letting this many months long journey back into drinking. Im embarrassed and ashamed. I decided last july i was fully aware i had a problem with alcohol. I said i was powerless. Yet although i admitted and i was all over my recovery and groups and reading about alcoholism. Life happened and i fell off. I'm realizing that i didnt fully believe i had the disease. I blamed all the trauma in my life. So now im realizing truly am an alcoholic. And i hate it so much. How can someone hate something so much and does the insane thing of still going toward that thing you hate.

How many times will i make this mistake before it sticks? Is there an average number of relapses before things stick? Ughh

So ashamed.

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#2

Thatā€™s why we say itā€™s insanity in AA. It really is knowing the damage it has caused us yet we still go right back to it. Itā€™s ok tho letā€™s start with day one Emily. You got this :muscle:t4:

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#3

Thank you. Its so mind boggling. And its crazy that it is so deceiving.

#4

It takes a lot of courage to keep going after a relapse, and you should be proud of yourself for not giving up. Remember that setbacks are a normal part of any journey, and it's important to be kind and compassionate towards yourself during this time.

You have the strength and resilience to overcome this challenge, and you can use this experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Take it one day at a time, and focus on the progress you've made so far. Remember that each day is a new chance to start again, and that you have the power to make positive changes in your life.

Believe in yourself and trust that you can overcome this. Keep going, and don't give up on yourself. You've got this!

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#5

Good thing we're not hopeless or helpless Emily. I've had several relapses over a lot of years. I never accepted that I could never drink like a normal person again til just over 2 yrs ago when a bartender cut me off. I finally accepted my disease, and things have fallen in place amazingly well with the help of AA and my hp. Never give up!

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#6

We should all be considered slow learners :joy::joy::joy: it took me 33 years to admit that I was a alcoholic and I had to get sick to admit that I had a problem and I had to get help

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#7

Thank you so much for these kind words. I definitely feel extremely lousy. Its really hard to be in this space again. my body is telling me the jig is up. Which is definitely scaring me. I have kids. So i have an insane amount of guilt and shame. And scared of being honest with my family. I am in a relationship and now i have communicated to him that i need him to get sober with. Me. Im just too delicate to even be around alcohol.. telling my family about this is terrifying. Its scary. Im need more help than i thought.in the manor of support.

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#8

Thank you this is encouraging. Im so afraid that ill keep getting the idea that i can drink normally.

#9

Its crazy... im definitely a very slow learner.

#10

I fit that category toošŸ˜, better late than never tho. I should add that I got a sponsor this time around for the 1st time. That helped big time. They can help with all the issues you're worried about. Don't beat yourself up over the past. You can definitely do this!

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#11

I had one before i just dont think it was a good fit. I definitely would like to have one.

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#12

A lovely human being on this app told me about the Sinclair Method. Started yesterday. It feels more attainable than AA & abstinence. It may be worth looking into :heart::heart::heart:

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#13

Thank you for this suggestion!

#14

So glad youā€™re back! I admire your perseverance! I donā€™t know why most of us must be beaten down before we get it, but thatā€™s part of the journey. I suppose the more desperate we are, the more willing we are to make the necessary changes to keep us sober on a daily basis. I have seen so many lifeā€™s come together in recovery. You will be one more!!!

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#15

Oh I canā€™t tell you how many times I swore I was done that didnā€™t happen even with all the guilt I felt it didnā€™t stop me we become different people.Donā€™t beat yourself up Get right back up start again no matter how many times it took or takes till you get there.Stay Strong

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#16

Thank you. I definitely swore it up and down! Its crazy to me that it just doesnt happen when i felt so sure. Its kind of surreal

#17

Just as everyone else said, I relapsed multiple times. 25 years of problem drinking and at least 3 times a year so thatā€™s a minimum of 75 times I swore I was quitting. I too wouldnā€™t admit it. I was sure I didnā€™t belong categorized as an alcoholic. I was wrong. It took me on a 5 day bender where everyone was so sick of helping me, that I called the cops on myself. Thatā€™s how scared I was of the withdrawal. Good news is Iā€™m 25 months sober. You can do it. Never quit trying.

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#18

Yeah many years of problematic drinking for me as well. Then traumatic years got me further into daily drinking but ive been binging on weekends. My body is very angry at me for doing this. Im so scared im just going to turn around and drink again. I wish it wasn't so damned hard.

#19

If itā€™s worth the prize, itā€™s worth the fight!

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#20

Hello Emily! I am also an Aquarius! :aquarius:

Youā€™re my people! :rofl::rofl::rofl:
Iā€™m sorry you are struggling. What really helped me a ton is getting out and walking and getting a few new hobbies. Been learning about astrology, and still doing PHP which is a more intensive version of IOP. You can do this, you just need to believe in yourself

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