I was severely depressed after months of my sobriety. Thats when i stopped. It was also a matter of being a single mom and just wiped out. I don't have help. Then i had to make tough decisions to get by. Which i couldnt do sober. Then i met a guy and hes a drinker i didnt realize how much he truly drank. That sums it up for the most part. For this i know addicts have a very hard time when life cicumstances and mental health issues can cause this to happen. On ome hand im accepting that this is the natire of the disease but being very angry at myself for not being more aware. I think yeah part of this relapse had to happen. Because i hadnt truly accepted the disease part of it. I thought it was trauma.
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Thank you for sharing your truth.
Our illness is very real and serious. I don’t know about trauma and hope you’re seeking outside help. As for Alcoholism, I can say that my problem wasn’t alcohol, it was me. I can hear myself in your story. Outside problems pile up with no solution insight. I too turned to drinking. I lost nearly all. My wife, house, material possessions, and full custody of our son. I can say that I did try to get sober to get these things back but I realized I needed to get sober for me, my sanity.
In early sobriety I thought that relationships would fix me. They didn’t. They really just caused more harm to others and myself. Once I was ready to look at my inventory and then see it from a different angle, I began to see the destructive pattern in my behaviors.
Today I have done my best to clean up my past, find God or Higher Power if you will, and turned my attention towards helping others.
It’s not perfect but I can manage life on life’s terms, I have relationships with people, I try to give myself to others via service work in the program, and use the tools which are a design for living.
I hope the rooms of recovery will help you find the same peace and serenity I have found.
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We all will never be anything more than human. To make mistakes is to be human. Despite the feelings, you are still worthy of a healthy life-free from enslavement. Worthy of your HP’s love and the love of others. As hard as it is, and much easier said than doe, Pick your tits up, find the lesson or where/what made you trip up and get back on that horse, girl. You have the gift of a life, time to show up to your own party and dance! Trust me, I am struggling with the same issue I know it is much easier said than done. XO🐝
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Admitting your an alcoholic is key. I would get drunk a few times a week, and I always thought being an alcoholic meant you drank everyday. So I never considered myself an alcoholic, until I learned a lesson from an AA leader that if drinking dramatically changes your personality, your an alcoholic. And even though I didn't drink everyday, when I would drink it would dramatically change my personality. And that's when I finally realized and accepted that I'm an alcoholic. Once you accept this, it is also crucial to successfully identify and remove yourself from triggering situations that may tempt you to drink. And this is lifelong.
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Personally , four relapses here if you need a number, but it's obviously different for everyone and we are unfortunately addicts for life in most cases. You must keep trying is all that matters. The folks reiterated over and over the difference between a slip and a relapse in my rehab. If you use/drink , realize you facked up and sought help then you just slipped and this is by far the best point to get back on the sobriety train. If you had used/drank, gave up, sought no help , and went full hog in using /drinking then it's a "relapse", and harder to come back from (physical addiction, etc ).
Now that you are back on track , I have a few mental exercises to avoid slips. I imagine you have a good idea where the night will go after that first drink. Personally, mine is first drink, 3 or 4 more drinks, meetup with bad people, buy/use other substances (i.e. cocaine), 5 more drinks, go out, regrettable behavior, black out option #1, terrible choices, blackout option #2, pass out , hangover. Yours might not be as bad as mine but I'm pretty certain it leads to a net negative in your life for a few hours of fun. Just work out likely events before they inevitably happen. Also, I like watching YouTube videos of drunk idiots....this makes me appreciate sobriety. Good luck to ya.
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