Today they searched our rooms. I felt like I was

I have a question for everyone. Do you think it would be alright to start a relationship, while I'm in here.

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Hi Roseva, my suggestion is to focus on you and your sobriety right now.

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:100: percent agree with Jenn on this. I typically refrain from making absolute statements, but this just might be the exception.

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What kind of relationship are you referring to?

There’s a reason why people suggest what they suggest when it comes to
romantic/intimate relationships..
You could always come back and post how it all works out for ya. :grin:

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What are you talking about
Reread my reply “dude!”

Ya dig?

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Next time
You decide to ack like a social media soldier to
Understand what your taking about first..
If your gona be disrespectful that way to people let me know how that works out for you.. you just might find out that self will isn’t much of a good idea.

Thank you for retracting your rude reply Bradford :+1:

For me, I set a one year moratorium on dating. I actually went 3 years, but it paid off. Been married over 10 years now.

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Not into getting into the gutter. Just wrong that everyone suggested this person should hold off and you tell her to let you know how it goes after she comes back. Just a comment like that coming from someone with supposed 11 years sobriety kind of set me off. My bad.

I tell ya what.. how about getting to know what your talking about as well understand a reply.. it’s obvious that you didn’t understand the reply.. it’s just where you are at in your recovery.. so I should understand your character.
K. Bradford R keep coming back we do change/recover.
Ego and false pride is not a healthy thing.
Try reading triangle of self obsession.. you just might find it to be useful.
“Let me know how it work out for ya when you apply principles in all of your affairs.”
Keep coming back :+1:

Roseva, if I’ve got this right, you’re asking about starting a relationship in some form of a rehab setting?

If that is what you are asking I would caution you against it. There aren’t absolutes in sobriety, but a widely held belief is that the early introduction of romance in sobriety leads to relapse.

Also, rehab is an intensely emotional place where people who have been chemically suppressing their feelings for a long time are suddenly forced to face a lot of truths. This can lead to bonding and the formation intense but perhaps misguided connections.

In early sobriety I was advised not to make any big changes or decisions. To not trust my own brain, because my addiction was playing tricks on me. Cunning, baffling, powerful!!

My sponsor did not tell me not to date for a specific amount of time, but he did make sure I understood why avoiding that type of distraction was best for my sobriety. I heeded his advice and waited 7 months or so before seeing anyone. And I’m grateful I did, even though at the time I really wanted companionship and another way to “get out of the now”.

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When we are early in recovery we often miss the excitement, and drama, our use provided for us. We also long for intimacy. So, it can be very appealing to form a new relationship in early recovery, but it is a risk. Especially with someone who is also new to a program. I cannot say how many times I have watched people in early recovery get into a relationship, fully commit to it, and then begin cycles of relapsing with each other. I think it is very important in early recovery to start learning how to set boundaries, amd really learn what drives our unhealthy thinking, then learn to challenge that thinking, and establish our new life as a person in recovery before trying to share it with another.

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Take a year off and date yourself!

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I would suggest you focus on yourself and your recovery. I had the same urge early on in recovery but my sponsor advised against it. I realize now that I would have been just filling a void left from alcohol if I got into a relationship in first year. I was able to find myself staying single and sober and it’s so worth it.

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No. Not if you want to be sober.

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How do you know what you want in a relationship if you don't even know who you really are?

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Everything I've started a rehab or mental hospital relationship it always ended with me back on drugs. Relationships in general are tricky. You know how they effect you better than anyone. I don't see anything wrong with having friends with benefits because we all have needs but an actual relationship complicates things a bit. But then again I'm back again in the rooms for the millionth time so don't take what I'm saying to heart. It's just my experience. Me personally I cannot Give up Everything but I'm also good at cutting off my emotions for people so who knows

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I really appreciate your advice and I'm going to take it