Today was extremely hard. The last week has been hard. I’m really starting to feel like I’m getting to the end of my rope mentally. I had an extreme FREAK out today. (Second time in 7 days) Screaming, crying and punched a wall, almost broke my phone. I haven’t lashed out like this since when I was drinking. I was alone, thankfully. But after all of this BS that’s been going on in my life-I didn’t feel like drinking. Not even a little bit. I’m curious if others still have these absolutely unhinged moments in their sobriety? I used to act like this weekly while drinking and it’s been a while since I’ve had one of these episodes. I’m under a ton of stress, all financial. I’ve done the taking deep breaths and remaining calm for the most part. This week just seems different. Any advice welcomed.
Go unleash all of that on a punching bag. Or get in the gym and hit the weights. I crave my endorphins all day every day. What you’re experiencing isn’t weird or abnormal. Our stuff comes in waves. It’s ok to get it all out when it appears😊
Thanks. I think I’m starting to realize that I’m just not the person that’s being called to do yoga. I’ve been wanting to get into Brazilian jujitsu but my anxiety of starting new things is a lot. Drinking used to be my crutch to handle that feeling and gave me my false confidence. I just need to rip the bandaid off and get somewhere to do something with this energy.
Thank you so much for this reply. I was talking today with a friend about something I’d read about living with a constant state of fight or flight from a young age. I definitely feel like this right now and I am basically rewiring my brain to deal with these emotions-just sober. I lost my dad in may to alcoholism and I have been dealing with that the best I can but when things are tough like they were today everything just comes to a head. Hence, my reaction. You both are so correct. I need to find an outlet to get these feelings out.
Thanks again so much for your words and taking the time to respond. Truly appreciated. 
I'm in recovery for 5 years and I speak to a therapist weekly. Maybe consider this? Thanks for sharing.
Definitely have tried therapy off and on for lots of years;however, it’s been a while. I struggle to find therapists where I live that match the kind of therapy I am looking for. Looking for raw and real, not soft and meek if that makes sense. I’m not sure if there are certain words you can search for when seeking out that kind of therapist?
Have you had the sort of therapy that you find helpful before? If so, maybe ask those providers if they can recommend someone in your area. Also, in the age of Zoom, the virtual world can be helpful.
I suggest reading page 133 of the big book. Starting at “Now about health”.
Exercise is important as well, a jog, walk, or run is good. Remember it’s progress not perfection. It’s a miracle that you didn’t drink today.
Some days the best I can do is not drink, the rest is a mess, but I didn’t drink. Hang in there, it gets better.
3rd Step prayer!!! Acceptable is the solution to all my problems!! Serenity prayer... The courage to Change the things I CAN!!!! I know it's harder said than done but look at what you can change... Work on that ...pray to your HP every morning...
Have you tried DBT & EMDR Therapy? My therapists uses these methods for me and it has impacted my life significantly- with addiction and trauma ... worth a try
Having emotional outbursts sober is a huge win and something to celebrate in my opinion. Think of how much more capable you are at tackling your challenges and obstacles with a clear head and sober mind. Sounds like progress to me 
Hi Brit, sorry to hear it's been a hard day and last week was hard. Currently 32 months into my journey, and I can relate to what your saying. Toward the beginning, I would have 'freak outs' almost weekly. It was partly my addiction trying to put my or keep me in a bad place so I would revert back to using. My addiction wanted to keep me under control and would try to do this any way possible, making me over react, over think, feel just miserable. As time had moved forward, I have grown, I have developed new, healthy coping skills, I know what to look for when my thoughts and emotions may start to go haywire, and most importantly I know how to be proactive and think clearly, act and react clearly now. Your brain is literally healing itself and this takes time, you also will have to learn how to develop areas of thoughts and emotions that before you may have drowned out with alcohol. Facing these times, and building new skills takes time, and can be hard work, but it will come. I think it's been about 6 months or so since my brain last went haywire. As we grow with time, it becomes less and less because with develop more and more. Early on, when this would happen to me, I found walking was my best outlet. It would get me outside in the fresh air, give me good exercise, and allow me time to think. I hope this helps
I’ve been training BJJ since 2005 and it has been one of the factors that have kept me from falling apart many times in my life. Do some research online and find a gym that welcomes beginners and aligns with what you’re seeking. A lot of gyms realize how intimidating it can be to get started and have adapted to being more of a welcoming environment for anyone. Based on where you’re located I might have some recommendations for you.
I think financial stress is the worst. That you don’t want to drink in all of it means you’re a walking miracle:blush:. AA has helped me a lot and I met a guy who helped me with truck repairs when I was really poor and the truck was costing me a fortune. Now if I drink it’s a nightmare and that helps a lot. Anxiety also went up when I quit drinking. Keep moving forward. Things will get better 
I had one those yesterday. Out of nowhere yesterday on my 39th day sober and for no particular reason, I was just completely overcome by anger and resentment at the past and lost it. However, I quickly recognized what it was and that it was temporary, did some box breathing (slow deep breaths in and out holding them 4 seconds each) and then went for a walk, and it subsided. I hate when it happens, but thankfully, these episodes are happening fewer and farther in between as time passes.
I wish I could. I feel like I don’t know what to do with all these feelings I just feel completely insane and stuck inside my head with it all
Okay so after reading this comment earlier I ended up listening to a couple of podcasts while working that were on this topic. Will be looking for a therapist starting next week.
I had one today also, Brit. Woke up with a note from the blood donation center where I had been donating platelets for cancer patients saying that my system does not generate enough platelets. My wife, my dad and two aunts I lost to cancer this year and I was trying to find a way to give back what I could. All of a sudden my blood wasn’t good enough. Then I had some trying family times today as well. Went to the bank by bus because both cars are broke down. By then I had pretty much had it with the day. Crossing the street, a car blew through the arrow and nearly hit me. I stood in the middle of the crosswalk and just lost it. I went to the bank and did my business. Came back out to go home and along with someone else, helpeda stranded motorist get his car off the street
I’m in Bend, Oregon.
Just wanted to finish. I apologize for taking up a lot, but just wanted to let you know as far as these episodes are concerned you’re not alone. I’ve been sober for 12+ years. Like you I had just had it with everything today. Helping that motorist really calmed me down.