Well, I am so down, feeling defeated and back to drinking after an awesome 36 days sober!!!!! I thought I was done, feeling the benefits of living and BAM!.. one moment of unexpected STRESS and my hard work was over. It’s like my subconscious took over and I quickly poured that drink without regret at the time. Still reading the posts here and so proud of all who are here!!!
18 Likes
Hang in there!! I relapsed after two years. There will come a time in our lives when we are completely defenseless. All is not lost! You still had 36 days of sobriety!! They didn’t vanish!! Relapse is part of learning who are and who we are not. And relapse can be a very important part of recovery. It’s not easy getting sober but it is totally worth it! You can do it!!!!
7 Likes
Beth, we are never done being alcoholics. But we can be done suffering from untreated alcoholism.
Surround yourself with a program of recovery. Don’t worry about yesterday. Don’t stress about tomorrow. Just don’t drink today and work your program.
6 Likes
Thank you Eric, I really appreciate the support here!
2 Likes
Anytime Beth!!
1 Like
I went to a restaurant this evening and I ordered some food to go. I was sitting near the bar waiting and the drinks the bartender was pouring looks so good, so tasty. I wanted one really bad. So I asked the bartender for the drink menu and I ended up getting a pineapple and ginger ale Mojito without any alcohol. It tasted really good, it came from the bar, I totally took care of the craving I had. I’ve been told cravings last 15 to 20 minutes and they’ll go away. I was proud of myself for not Giving in
6 Likes
That sounds good! Glad it helped with the craving. Love ginger ale.
1 Like
Great advice. Thank you!
It was a good option and like I said, I was very proud of myself.
2 Likes
Beth, the important thing is you are back and honest with yourself. You have immense courage!
2 Likes
I realize I can’t do this alone, having a spouse that drinks and with zero support in my circle is hard, nearly impossible. 16 more minutes until a new day! Thank you TC, your reply gives me courage 
1 Like
It's hard, I've relapsed after long term sobriety. You can get back on track! Tomorrow is a new day.
2 Likes
Hang in there sweetie and don’t be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow is another day. 
2 Likes
Beth
Do you know why you drank?
Because you believed the lie;
That this time, everything would be ok, but it never is, is it? We have to play the scene all the way forward.
You may feel good for a short period of time but when it's over, you will regret it all like you're doing now. Now you have more guilt to carry around because you know it accomplished nothing and you have to start all over.
People think relapse starts when you pick up that drink but truth be known it starts long before. What were you doing during the time you were sober. What actions were you taking?
Let me give you something to read.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
"restless, irritable and discontented"
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire
"psychic change"
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
For me, this change came by getting involved with the AA program; meetings, sponsor, 12 steps.
Eventually the obsession was gone.
2 Likes
It's a journey 
2 Likes
I had to completely cut off any “easy” access to alcohol for a while. None in the house. I MOVED and completely relocated back to the country from the city just to make it REALLY HARD to physically go to a bar or a liquor store.
Looking back, before I got sober, each relapse was an unlabeled step closer to eventual long-term abstinence. I would never tell someone “you gotta relapse x number times for sobriety to stick”, but I do feel that each relapse brought me closer to the feeling of rock bottom and by extension closer to the “victory” they finally came. Relapse was part of my experience and I have no regret today. Sure, I wish that guy (me) didn’t have to suffer. As I sit today I can see where I made excuses for myself, or let my fears and anxieties about other peoples opinions undermine me, but there’s no use kicking myself over it. Pick yourself up, get back into your program and do something differently to address what triggered you and give yourself tools to navigate that safely in the future (bc those triggers will come back and you will need to overcome!). I and thousands of others who have been in your shoes know you can 
3 Likes
Don’t beat yourself up. Get back up and start moving forward. It’s ok to slip as long as you don’t slide.
2 Likes
Beth I’m proud of you! You are an amazing strong person and I hope nothing for the best for you! Give your self some grace. You are here with us trying to better yourself! You have a friend! I hope all is well
2 Likes
It’s okay… don’t beat yourself up and give up. Just begin again !!! Everyone makes mistakes!!!
1 Like