Why is it so important to have a sponsor? Every meeting I go to it seems like the hot topic. As if they're gloating they have one in my opinion. I don't have one and quite frankly I'm not to concerned with getting one. For me I don't see the purpose. I have a network of people I talk with. Plus hearing someone else's story and how they got everything back after being doomed, gives me hope for a brighter day. Let me know your thoughts and feelings on this one.. I want to hear them.
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Since you don’t want to work the steps, you probably don’t need one and since you don’t want to work the steps I doubt someone would sponsor you. The main purpose of a sponsor is to help you work the steps. Beyond that a sponsor is a mentor that has been through life as a sober person. I don’t think anyone is gloating. A sponsor/sponsee relationship is very special. Having a sponsor is something to celebrate, because they give folks a better chance at staying sober.
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I don't mean to come off sideways it's just my opinion on the matter. Doesn't a network give you a better chance staying sober than one person. I mean I could be wrong. I just don't get the whole hype behind it.
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I do both sponsor and network (lots of networks). Tommy it’s not one thing that keeps you sober. It’s all the things. You hedge your bets and do absolutely everything you can, because it’s that important.
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I heard most people quit without AA. But whatever works for one doesn't work for all. Just do it your way.
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I agree with you. But the biggest part of my sobriety has been the fear of becoming the person I hated the most again. That's what keeps me going and striving to be a better person. Sobriety is the way for me I don't have another option or choice at becoming a better person than this one..
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I think working the steps meshes nicely with what you are trying to do. They made me a better person and they kept me sober (which automatically makes me a better person). I guess I just don’t understand the hesitancy. Why wouldn’t you try everything you could? I didn’t want to look back with regret. All in.
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I need my sponsor for when my brain can argue myself into a corner between justifying myself, victim mindset, and denial.
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I can relate. It’s funny how people keep telling us what’s best for us, right? Well they do so because if something works for them, they project it to everyone else. Since we self identify as alcoholics, they believe we all need the same fix. That’s what I call the cookie cutter approach, and it’s my main issue with groups like AA. Just trust that if you ever get to the point where you think you need a sponsor, you can always get one. Meanwhile, live, learn, and trust yourself.
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If you are talking about me, I don’t care what you do. If you don’t want advice don’t ask for it. I want people who are really suffering (not sober curious) to be able to find help, because no joke people die from this. And no a sponsor will not take a person that tells them how they are going to run the show. If you tell an AA sponsor that you refuse to work the steps, I don’t know many that would take you. That’s not how it works. You can’t go to one meeting and become an expert. I wish you the best.
I think I’m trying to say what you already pointed out somewhere else. We are all alcoholics, but just like not all cancer patients need chemo, not all alcoholics need a sponsor. I’m not an expert on AA, and never said so. What I don’t like that I’m treated like someone who’s in lethal danger while I’m just looking to meet sober people. And being spooked to death by all those claims that staying sober cannot be achieved without the 12 steps or a sponsor. So I have to agree with Tommy on this.
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And I said AA probably isn’t for you. So I’m not telling you what is best for you. You may not be a “lethal” case, but I see deadly cases all the time. There are people who are in their home dying with no hope. All I am trying to do is get some help for them. Or make an off ramp before they get there. Like someone did for me while I was $hitting all over the program. For some the 12 steps is the only way. I’m not hard selling anything. I offer my message of experience, strength, and hope, so that others can be free of their alcohol problem. I’ll agree not to try to help you.
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I think we have a bit of a miscommunication going here My first post above wasn’t in reply to anything you said, but was meant to response to Tommy and his original question.
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I believe that a sponsor is definitely needed for a person first introduced to a 12 step fellowship. Yes, The primary purpose for a sponsor is to guide us through the 12 steps. Secondary reasons are to have someone who can explain stuff you have questions about in the fellowship, to calm you down after your ego gets bruised after a meeting, and to point out the lies that the disease tells you - that you are not yet able to identify for yourself. That being said, sponsors are just another addict/alcoholic. They are not trained therapists, they don’t walk on water, and many of them have been indoctrinated by obsolete info by their sponsors & grandsponsors (hate that term). My analogy for that is - do you/would you parent the same as your parents or grandparents did? Maybe on values, but not necessarily on methods.
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It may seem that way because you don't have one 
For the record its ENCOURAGED to have both a network and a sponsor; not one or the other. Yes, a sponsors primary job is to take someone thru the steps, but for me my sponsor represented the kind of woman I'd like to become. Networks are wonderful, but sometimes you'll get mixed messages. Too much advice isn't exactly helpful, it can be confusing... So a sponsor kind of becomes your go to for the tough stuff, someone to walk side by side with you through your new sober life.
You could try the sponsor thing before condemning it; something that's been beneficial for millions of others may be helpful for you too. What could it hurt?
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Tommy, to be honest, I have seen a couple of your post "questions" and it just sounds like you want to bash on AA. If it's not for you, ok. But for some of us, it saved our life. Please try and be respectful of the fact that there are many programs that help people stay sober and we shouldn't bash, or pose questions to start bashing.
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Please don't attack me. I'm sorry I don't have all the answers like you seem to do and have used social media to ask the questions I'd like answers to. AA has saved my life too and I wouldn't be sober without going to meetings and meeting the people I have. As for my sobriety walk and how I go about it is my personal business. As a chef I know there's more than one way to make chicken noodle soup so why can't there be more than one way to stay sober?
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Shawn isn't the only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking!? Have we not met that requirement or do we have to go back out and hit a lower bottom? The group I'm apart of have not once mentioned I needed one nor have they judged me for not having one. Now those 15 men and women in that group are also apart of my network. I have each and every number and as they told me. Just start on the top and go down to the bottom until someone picks up. Isn't that how a sponsor works..like I said I was just asking a question and wasn't looking for negativity or for the pot to be stirred. Hope you can see it was just a discussion and not a debate on who was right.
Hello,
When I came to AA people told me
“Bob, your best thinking
got you here”!
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Thank you very much sir. That was what I wanted to hear. That's the information I was looking for.
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